


Misery Loves Company

by LilacsandFreedom



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Crack, Drinking, Drunken Shenanigans, Emet and WoL are both sad drunks, F/M, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Patch 3.0: Heavensward Spoilers, Patch 5.0: Shadowbringers Spoilers, Patch 5.3: Reflections in Crystal Spoilers, Spoilers, Thancred is the designated driver, Thancred pov, brief discussion of decay, if you really want to go that far back, no beta this is just for kicks, timeline's messy but it's an impossible scene anyway so it doesn't matter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:15:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26179369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilacsandFreedom/pseuds/LilacsandFreedom
Summary: A chance encounter results in one Emet-Selch and the Warrior of Darkness putting aside their differences for a drink or two. Or three. Or more. Thancred believes himself far too sober for this.
Relationships: Haurchefant Greystone/Warrior of Light, Solus zos Galvus | Emet-Selch/Warrior of Light, both are implied
Kudos: 26





	Misery Loves Company

This was a terrible idea. He knew that from the start. To consort with Ascians was already a bad idea, _drinking_ with them was worse, and yet, here they were. Him, Lady, and _Emet-Selch_ \-- Twelve preserve, of all people why _him?_ \-- all at a shaded bar in Kholusia and for _what_. Lady had mentioned seeing Giott, a dwarf, she said, a good friend, and she’d need someone sober to help her back just in case she got too deep into her cups. Dwarves, after all, could certainly drink (but, Thancred knew, so could Lady, if she put her mind to it). Still, while it frustrated him to no end to think himself now labeled forever as the sober one of their party, he nonetheless agreed and took up his steady place at the bar with his now-usual glass of water.

But, Giott wasn’t there. No matter, we (Lady) can have a few and go back to the Crystarium in a moment. Oh, no, it can never be that simple, because there was that Ascian sitting in the corner, watching and _smirking_ with that smug look on his face, and for some forsaken reason, the Warrior of Darkness looked at this situation and said, “Thancred, keep an eye on things won’t you?” before waltzing over and sitting _with_ him.

And they’d been like that for the majority of the night. Thancred hated being sober at a bar, especially when he had to watch his friend become more and more drunk as the hours passed. It started small, whatever they were talking about, it seemed somewhat tense. But, they got to their brandy and whiskey and slowly, very slowly, they moved closer together and, he noticed, became very, _very_ drunk.

It occurred to Thancred at that point with a small degree of curiosity and no small degree of horror that he’d never actually seen Lady become truly drunk before. Oh yes, he knew about the flask, but that was never enough for her to be _drunk_. She and Emet-Selch seemed to follow a similar path of lost inhibition, going from cold to cool to somber to sobbing in the same way a sunrise becomes a sunset. He wasn’t sure if he ought to be doing something about the situation...but, it all seemed genuine and he wasn’t certain that he’d get out of it alive if he interrupted.

A patron coughed and got his attention. “Um...do you have any idea what’s happening over there?”

Thancred looked over. The two were weeping into their drinks, hanging onto each-other (for comfort or stability, he could not say) and slurring a slow, pained rendition of “You Are My Sunshine”. Thancred wished he wasn’t sober.

“Misery loves company,” he said.

But, he was curious at this point, truly curious. He never thought he’d see an Ascian cry like that, so what in the world had she said to him? He carefully maneuvered himself a little closer and tried to listen, to catch at least this last act of the conversation (if the amount of empty cups on the table was any indication).

Lady sniffed in some attempt at composing herself. “--An’ I _never_ took ‘im up on it!” she exclaimed, her hand limply coming down onto the table and mildly disturbing their drinks. “Never! An’ now I’ll never get the chance! Took a damned bolt t' the gut for me, he did. Now he’s there wit’ all the...the crawling...wasits...wasit?”

“Worms?” her companion offered.

“ _Yes_ . All the retched... _wretched_ things in the earth. They get’t hold ‘im an’ I _can’t_.”

He nodded. “Lemme tell you, thas’ the thing about finding the one…” he said, more or less, “they’re _the one_. Thas’ all you got, nothin’ more’re less. Out of all the stars in the...all the...the...all the wassname--”

“Cosmos?”

“ _Cosmos_ , they’re _yours_ and you love ‘em and then they’re _gone_ and _thas’ all you’ve got_.”

(Thancred was surprised to see a true, genuine emotion on the man, uncomfortable as he was to witness it.)

His breath caught and he valiantly continued, “An’ the wors’ part izzat...izzat she’s _still here_ ,” he was sobbing again at this point, “but she doesn’t _know me_.”

“Oh, ‘ades, thas’ awful--”

( _Who the hells is “Hades”?_ Thought Thancred, _Wait, is that his name?! It isn’t Emet?_ Though he supposed that of all the things to learn while the party was absolutely drowning in liquor, this was one of the more minor things.)

“--’have you got anythin’ of ‘er anyway? Somethin’ t’ remind her maybe? It won’ be the same, but maybe you’ll get cloz, closu, wassit, _closure_.”

He slumped onto her shoulder mournfully. “All I’ve got’s my memory and the thing I made for ‘er, that’s _it_ . She doesn’t know me, she won’t ‘til ‘s all fixed an’ I’m doin’ everythin’ I can, but it all jus’ _hurts_.”

“I understand.”

“ _No_ , you don’t, hero, thas’ the thing,” he moaned, “ _None of you_ understand, ‘s im _possible_ for you t’ understand.”

“I dunno, but it hurts, thas’ the thing. But everybody...everybody says we gotta...gotta... _move on_ they say,” Lady attempted, “but, I dunno if thas’ even possi...pos...happenable some days. It’s just a lotta...a lotta _stuff_ , innit?”

“ _Stuff_.” he agreed.

“I’ll drink t’ that.”

And she did. Thancred was amazed she was still at least upright. Emet-Selch drank as well, though he was having a much more troubled time of remaining vertical. He slid further down until his head was resting on her chest, which all things considered, she didn’t seem to mind. 

She ran her fingers through his hair and said. “At least you got t’ have her at all, thas’ somethin’.”

“Mm-hm...your heart...reminds me of hers…”

“Heart’s a heart, jus’ like ‘ow every star is uh...um…’s somethin’. Oh, we’ll be alright, thas’ the tip, edge-- _point_. We’ll be jus’ fine...”

The drink finally got to them and knocked them both out cold, frozen in the position of a somewhat clumsy embrace. It would be almost sweet if the man wasn’t an immortal agent of darkness trying to enact planetary genocide. Oh, the hazards of their work.

He carefully stood up and turned to the bartender. “I’m going to take my friend home. We’ll put the drinks on the tab, she can pay later. I promise.”

Clearly, Thancred hadn’t lost all of his charm, because the bartender just waved him off and muttered something about making sure he kept that promise.

Taking even more care, he went to work separating the two. They had surprisingly tight grips on each other for mortal enemies, but that was the power of alcohol, he supposed. If only he could enjoy it as well...if only. But, eventually he freed Lady from the Ascian and hoisted her up over his shoulder, letting Emet-Selch sink even further down to the floor where he thankfully stayed fast asleep.

And as the hero’s company took her back home, Thancred made a promise to himself to never go drinking with her again. Though, perhaps, if it got him out of their lives, he could spare a few more cups for Emet-Selch.

**Author's Note:**

> Man, it's been about a year since I last posted something...well, I'm still here, just taking it easy, doing my own thing. But, 5.3's got me really into fan fic again! Please look forward to more short things like this c:
> 
> This fic came about through a goofy conversation I had with a friend of mine about what kind of drunks our WoLs would be. It doesn't really fit anywhere in the timeline or anything, but I thought it'd be fun to write. Sometimes you just have to write "impossible" scenarios, you know?
> 
> Does "You Are My Sunshine" exist as a song in Eorzea and/or Novrandt, you may ask? Who can say...but I listened to the Johnny Cash version recently and thought "yeah, this checks out". Consider it, won't you?
> 
> I'd like to give a nod to the Emet-Selch's Wholesomely Debauched and Enabling Book Club discord, a fan fiction server I joined recently. If you enjoy XIV fic (especially involving one Emet-Selch), consider joining as well! There are many authors there and you're bound to find something you like. You can find the server here: https://discord.gg/yDk9vSq
> 
> Finally, thank you all for coming along on this silly little misadventure. I hope you enjoyed it and I hope you have a lovely day c:


End file.
